Consciousness Minded

Join journalist and author Amanda Ripley in this in-depth conversation as she explores the underlying causes of conflict, the psychology behind crisis situations, and the powerful effects news consumption has on our society. Walk away with practical tools to break destructive cycles and foster healthier, more productive dialogue.

• Explore what “high conflict” really means, why we’re drawn to it, and the risks it poses to both individuals and communities.
• Discover surprising, research-backed ways to escape toxic conflict—including Amanda’s powerful “looping” technique for deep listening.
• Find out how people truly respond in crisis moments and what genuinely improves the odds of survival—plus why denial and hesitation are so common.
• Take a closer look at how the news media shapes public perception, fuels anxiety, and often overlooks crucial context in its storytelling.
• Get to the heart of polarization in America, learn how “conflict entrepreneurs” stoke division, and uncover what it really takes to start bridging our divides.

❇️ Key topics and bullets

Here’s a comprehensive sequence of topics covered in the video, broken down with clear sub-topics under each primary theme:

1. Introduction: Amanda Ripley’s Background

• Amanda introduces herself as a journalist, cofounder of Good Conflict, and author of “High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out.”

2. Breaking the Cycle of High Conflict

• Definition of High Conflict

  • Escalation of conflict for its own sake

  • Us vs. them, all-or-nothing thinking

  • The paradox of being trapped yet magnetically pulled in

• The Experience of High Conflict

  • Impact on individuals and relationships

  • Physical and psychological stress effects (lost sleep, increased cortisol)

• Communication Breakdown

  • The illusion of being heard (only 5% feel truly listened to)

  • The “understory” vs. surface arguments

• Deep Listening and Looping

  • What looping is and how it works

  • Steps to practice looping (listen, restate, check understanding)

  • The effect: building trust, revealing true needs under conflict

• Case Study: Curtis Toler

  • From gang conflict to transformation

  • Importance of having “somewhere to go” after saturation point

• Common Responses to Conflict

  • Avoidance, attacking, surrender, and cultivating good conflict

• Tripwires into High Conflict

  • Binary thinking

  • Fundamental attribution error (“idiot driver reflex”)

  • Environmental & psychological traps

3. The Psychology of Surviving a Crisis

• Amanda’s Reporting on Disasters

  • Insights survivors wish they’d known

  • “Disaster personality” vs. how we think we’ll behave

• Behavior Patterns in Crisis

  • Spectrum: freezing, fleeing, laughing, heroism

  • Three-phase survival arc: denial, deliberation (social milling), decisive moment

• Normalcy Bias and Delay

  • Tendency to normalize threats, delay action

  • Case studies: 9/11 World Trade Center, public reactions to danger

• Role of Training and Awareness

  • Muscle memory, past experience aids response

  • The importance of knowing exits, regular drills

• Social Dynamics in Crisis

  • Increased politeness, cooperation

  • The power of prior relationships and community trust

• Building Resilience

  • Individual preparedness (knowing exits, practicing for disaster)

  • The critical role of relationships before disaster strikes

4. The News Is Broken and How to Fix It

• Changing Nature of News Consumption

  • Past: Contained, trust-based, consumed intentionally

  • Present: Ubiquitous, unavoidable, aerosolized

• Challenges Facing Journalism

  • Rush to be first, lower quality and fact-checking

  • Rise of opinion journalism, declining trust

• The Personal Toll of News Consumption

  • Amanda’s own experience with “headline stress disorder”

  • Link between news consumption and anxiety/depression

• Audience Reactions

  • Widespread news avoidance

  • Erosion of hope, agency, and dignity

• What’s Missing from News

  • Solutions-focused reporting (examples: climate change, homelessness in Houston)

  • Vicarious agency and positive deviance

  • The importance of following up (dignity), addressing community needs

• Need for New Approaches

  • Journalism aligned with human psychology

  • Coverage that offers hope, agency, and dignity

5. The Illusion of Polarization

• Psychology of Splitting

  • Tendency in anxiety to divide world into good vs. evil

  • Realities vs. misperceptions—American voter complexity

• Consequences of Splitting

  • Mistakes and missed opportunities from binary thinking

  • Contempt, disgust, and their dangers in conflict escalation

• Role of Conflict Entrepreneurs

  • Individuals/organizations who profit from inflaming division

  • Amplification through social and traditional media

• Distortion Effects

  • Misjudging extremity of “the other side”

  • Examples from polling on social and political issues

• Counteracting Polarization

  • The value of relationships across divides

  • Organizations fostering meaningful conversation (e.g., Braver Angels)

  • Importance of integrative complexity (holding multiple truths)

• Building Healthy Conflict

  • Listening, engaging beyond caricature, rejecting humiliation and us-vs-them thinking

Drawing from journalist Amanda Ripley’s insights, we explore why conflict grips our nation, how crisis rewires our instincts, and practical ways to break the cycle—personally, in community, and through the news we consume.

The Power of Feeling Heard

Ripley’s research shows that most of us feel genuinely heard about 5% of the time—a sobering statistic. The fallout? When we’re not heard, our reactions become louder, more extreme, and oversimplified, moving us even further from understanding. Conversely, when people finally feel heard, “they say more revealing, complicated, nuanced, and vulnerable things,” unearthing the “understory” beneath the surface argument—what’s really at stake.

Deep listening, or “looping,” is a powerful counter to escalating conflict. Looping involves four steps: listen actively for what matters most to the other person, reflect back their core message in your own words, check if you understood correctly (“Did I get that right?”), and let them correct or elaborate. This simple but profound act dignifies the other person’s perspective and builds the trust necessary for true resolution.

The Understory: What Are We Really Fighting About?

Beneath repeated surface-level arguments—whether over politics, household chores, or policy—often lie common root issues: power and control, respect and recognition, care and concern, or stress and overwhelm. Looping helps us shift from “nonsense fights” to discovering these deeper drivers. As Ripley describes, even if a conflict can’t be fully solved, understanding the understory helps us get closer to what both sides actually need, opening a path to more productive, less damaging engagement.

Crisis Changes Us—But Preparation is Key

Ripley’s work also delves into crisis response, showing that real emergencies reveal a spectrum of human reactions, from denial and freezing to decisive action. Most often, our instincts are to normalize the abnormal, seek social cues, and—surprisingly—deliberate carefully. The key to surviving and even thriving in disaster? Practice and preparation. Building relationships in advance, rehearsing how to exit a building or who to call, and cultivating situational awareness all improve our odds. As Ripley emphasizes, “the health of a community after disaster is directly related to the strength of relationships beforehand.”

The News: Trust, Hopelessness, and the Need for Change

Ripley issues a sharp critique of today’s news industry, noting that its constant stream is more likely to leave us depressed, hopeless, and polarized than informed or empowered. Consuming more news, research shows, does not make us wiser—it increases anxiety and distorts perception. The solution? News must evolve to offer not just problems, but also hope, agency, and dignity. It’s not about sugarcoating reality; it’s about rigorous reporting that acknowledges solutions, uplifts constructive action, and recognizes people’s need to matter.

Moving Beyond Us-Vs-Them

Perhaps the most dangerous trap is “splitting”—dividing the world into camps of good and evil. The truth, as research reveals, is that Americans (and people everywhere) are far more complicated than binary labels suggest. The majority hold nuanced views that defy party talking points or social media extremes. Breaking the spell requires relationships with those who differ from us, curiosity instead of contempt, and media that reflects our real complexity.

Practicing Positive Intelligence

What can you do right now? Begin by practicing deep listening in low-stakes situations until it becomes second nature. Invest in relationships across differences, especially in your neighborhood and community. Curate your media diet to seek information that fosters hope, agency, and dignity—not just fear and outrage. And remember: change at every level starts with the simple act of making others feel seen and heard.

About this video: Produced by Big Think. Subscribe to Big Think on YouTube ► /@bigthink About

Amanda Ripley: Amanda Ripley is a New York Times bestselling author and Washington Post contributor. She is the author of The Smartest Kids in the World, High Conflict, and The Unthinkable.

If you’re ready to develop these essential conflict transformation skills in your own life or organization, consider working with a Positive Intelligence Coach like Tina Tongen. Connect at tinatongen.coach or email [email protected] for a deeper conversation.

Comments